M9 is nearing and I have already failed thrice. I admit that I didn't work hard enough. I am not a detailed person and I missed out alot of important details which I deemed as unimportant and will not be tested. Guess I am taking things for granted, especially time. I am rushing to school to revise my m9 now. I have been taking alot of of off days for it and I guess it didn't reflect well on me. People have all been assigning work to others and I am always not the first on the list to be called. It is quite demoralizing as I feel incompetent and easily dispensable. Felt really useless especially I keep failing my exams despite taking so many off days. Sometimes, I shift the blame to my friend and thinks that she's very kiasi but guess I am the ultimate cause of why I am feeling this way.:( I really hope to change something about my attitude and not shift the blame by coming out with reasons to make me feel better. On the other hand, I've been exercising almost everyday. Firstly, it is to stay healthy. Secondly, to spend time since there's nothing much to do at my grandma's place and I wakes up super early every day. I became toner and skinnier. This has motivated me to work harder to become skinnier. It has taken a toll on the food I eat. I am very paranoid. I am worried it will gets out of control. I am 48 now. I love it but it has affected my quality of life and how I react and portray myself.

I was searching for my passport photo through my boxes. I ransacked through one box which contain all the gifts that Bevan gave me. Each gift acts as a source of motivation for me. It is not your typical diamond ring or bracelets that most girls like but each gift that he gave was full of sincerity. He never once gave me gifts that are common.

My 21st Birthday card. It was a pop up card that comes along with a press-me button that hums melodious birthday song.








He always tries to be there for me no matter what. It slipped my mind sometimes that I am taking things for granted.

Hope you will be able to get through this crisis soon.

i am unhappy..sometimes, i think we're from 2 worlds.